Friday, September 16, 2011

He Said...She Said

Part of why I decided to take eight months off my life was to spend time with my family...this includes my urban friends....boyfriends, fuckbuiddies, partners...come and go but true friendships last a lifetime. I make an effort to keep up with my friends..no matter where they are...I’m lucky to say that I still have close friends from junior and high school.

James and Anne were two fellow classmates who graduated back in 1995. They were high school sweethearts. Both went to University in Virginia and married a year after graduating college. They settled in DC and had two children. Ten years later, they are separated...James is having a Twitter affair and Anne is on anti-depressants. Breakups are  messy.

I am seeing my straight high school and college friends go through the normal life plan: get engaged, get married, have kids and some of them are now getting separated or divorced. As a child of divorced parents (mum had 3, dad not even sure!), I do not believe relationships are meant to last forever. It is a nice thought. But people change...people grow..and sometimes they grow apart. I love chick flicks as much as the next gay guy, but no one ever lives happily ever after. They live happily ever after for 10 years, then go through a divorce and re marry again.

I am friends with both of them. So this week I caught up with both of them, individually of course - to listen to their side of the story. People like to vent to me...and having no relationship of my own...I am happy to listen.

Anne found James was having an “emotional affair” with some woman in Illinois on Twitter when she borrowed James’ iPhone on a business trip. Although he claims he never met the woman, his emails were very graphic. He wrote to her that he loved her..that he wanted to be with her. Anne was devastated. She thought everything was going well. She was not happy but content. She figured... “this is my marriage” and I just have to live with it. She felt hurt and betrayed.

James told me he felt like Anne was not engaged in the relationship in the last four years. As the children grew, he found that they had less and less in common - leading totally different lives with different interests. What brought them together in high school - no longer existed. James felt Anne was a total nag - and Anne felt like he was the third child she never wanted.

I kept quiet. I’m not a counsellor. Just a listener. James had no hang ups on his electronic affair as there was nothing physical. Anne felt betrayed. Next month will be a year since they separated - so that they can apply for an official divorce. At least for the children, they are keeping things civil.

Another one bites the dust! I wonder if relationships are worth all the effort, drama...when most will only last a few years. It is even more challenging to find a long term gay relationship. Another friend recently admitted that he cheated on his partner. This guy had been married for a long time to a woman (but never cheated on her). Yet in a gay relationship - he can’t seem to keep his dick in his pants. I’m not judging. I’ve chatted. I wonder if men are just meant to cheat - if it is just a built in mechanism...like getting an erection in the mornings. “Must fuck anything that moves.” Are open relationships the key? or maybe just being single...and having fun.

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