Thursday, September 1, 2011

From Journey to Destination

When you travel, you sometimes either focus on the destination or the journey. For some, the whole point of travel is getting to the destination....where you will stay...what you will do...where will you go...the sights and sounds. For others..travel is less about where you end up and how you get there.

It can be similar in relationships. I spent the last six years writing about relationships, love...I’m in the process of turning my previous blog into a book. I’m fascinated by human relationships. To me, this is what drives us...our relationships. We need them. There I used the “n” word.

For some...the relationship is the destination. They do not like the journey. I used to have this view. I hated being single...dating...the chase....the whole process. I wanted to have the relationship...quickly...over night..hello Love.

But I decided to put myself on a journey...alone and it’s not that bad. It is actually empowering...I’m doing the opposite of what I would normally do...instead of picking the safe choices I’m choosing the unknown...the unsafe. And I’m finding out a lot about myself - and learning that you can enjoy the journey.

I spent the day with my friend Jimmy. I know him from University. He is on holidays so we decided to catch up. Jimmy is gay and single as well. He’s the destination type. He desperately wants a relationship yet he finds himself in the gay cycle. You know...you sleep with men hoping that it turns into a relationship but in the end he feels even more empty and alone. Yet his penis drives him so even though he vows to focus on the destination, a week later he’ll hook up with another guy. He’ll get all excited...like him and then the guy turns into a one night stand and never calls him again.

“It’s like I’m a sex addict,” he told me over lunch. I wondered if he was really addicted to sex or just love or just intimacy. I fall for the gay cycle all the time. I know I do not want just sex...I want something more...a journey...love, romance..all that stuff...yet I find myself repeating the NSA (no strings attached) journey of random hook ups...that may satisfy my physical needs but leave me empty and feeling emotionally unfulfilled. I vow to stop hooking up - giving up on GRINDR and manhunt - but a week later I’m back...searching.

“Why do I do this?” Jimmy asked. Cause your horny...I thought...but instead insisted he look at why he thought he needed a relationship. Maybe he was too focused on the whole husband search. Maybe try focusing on other things - things he enjoyed outside of men. There is a lot of pleasurable things out there - I read a book that said you should find pleasure in the little things of life...and think about how much happiness they bring you..maybe a good chat with a friend, a beautiful sunset...a walk...seeing something amazing or just learning something new. Focus on the journey of life...sometimes you are alone...but we are all in a similar journey..so you’re not really alone..maybe just lonely.

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