Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Sinners and gypsies

In Catholic school, the nuns taught me the point of live was to suffer. Human beings were sinners and we all had to pay for their sins. Happiness, joy, freedom...all bad. We all had to carry a cross...and deal with it..otherwise we would also be punished after death.

Words like “suffering,” “sacrifice,” and “duty” were the favourite words of the nuns. Don’t get me wrong, there are some positive beliefs in the Catholic faith - the idea of helping others and social justice. I always felt like Catholicism really failed to “empower” me. It taught you that you had no control over your life - it was all decided by God and if it was pretty crappy you just deal with it.

I now feel as though my life has been divided into two: pre-trip and post trip. Pre-trip, I was depressed, sad, lost and was settling. Post-trip (or during trip) - I feel empowered. I feel like I am making my own decisions. You really can do what you want - provided you plan and save money.

My friends think I have turned into a gypsy. Originally they all thought I would only travel for four months. That has been extended to six..possibly eight. They use words like “when are you going to settle?” and “when will you face your reality?”

I have one friend who is from China. I think what I’m doing is hard for him to understand. He’s unemployed at the moment and would give his right arm for a job. I had a great paying government job and and I gave it all away. Now...I’m just traveling...spending my savings. He thinks I’m mad. Maybe I am...but that’s the joy of being gay. You can break all the rules. You never have to settle...or do what everyone else is doing...or settle down..or face reality.

The reality is as homosexuals we have already broken most of the rules - no marriage, maybe no children, no adam and eve. So really...why do we have to follow the rest of the rules.

I’ve decided not to settle any more - not to do things just because I’m expected to do them or because it is what I should be doing. I’m going to start doing things because I want to do is not about suffering...or is short and special and exciting. There’s no dress rehearsal and no time to waste.

No comments:

Post a Comment